I really do miss Bernie

Not so random a thought

It's an insult!

You're insulting my intelligence, creativity and imagination by going out to clubs/bars wearing hardly any clothes.

Back when the clear majority wore actual clothing and less skin was on offer, we would have to talk, make conversation in order to slowly peel the layers, literally. We had no idea what the hell you looked like underneath that frock, so we'd have to pretend to be interested to get into the knickers. Now, we can see the knickers without the invitation.

If we can tell whether talcum powder was used on the upper inside thigh or not then there has to be a problem.

Peas fans

I wonder if BEP have the same fans as when they were making tunes really worth bumping ya bunnies to?

If Karma's cyclical then ...?

Think about it.

Don’t just give it a little ounce of thought, really think about it.

‘Karma, being Karma, and the ultimate provider of balance in the universe, possessing the ability to see and hear all; in its never-ending quest to bring about equilibrium.’ - That's not a quote, I just made it up, didn't even look at dictionary for the definition of Karma either. I was thinking about all the status updates (usually angry ones) I come across in my "look at yours but I won't post my own" quest; for truth justice and a bigger blueberry muffin, and had a really long think about the complexities of Karma. I'm working so it all lasted about a minute but I think very fast so hey.

When someone says:

"Hah, you might have done this to me now, but just you wait (Often a name isn't provided) Karma is really gonna mess you up!"

Okay, stop right there and read it all again, just the quote by the way. Have you read it twice? Now, read it one more time.
Does anyone see what's going on here? It's easy to read between the lines on this one, but the logic applies to any statement of Karma in that, by letting someone know Karma is on a steady path towards them, you're only directing it back to yourself.
You post angrily that someone else is going to have a bad spell of luck, in turn means that - hold on wait - you too are going to experience the same thing.

The best way to deal with Karma is to not even talk about it. Don't say it's out for blood and definitely don't tell someone they're going to get their comeuppance if you're not floating several feet in the air displaying wings and playing Fur Elise on a golden harp. It's just not worth the hassle in the long run.

Well, it was either going to be this or Alicia Keys. I made the right choice ...

I LOVE THIS!

No explanation necessary ...

Making use of the ears

Why bitch and moan about people coming to you with problems? Granted it could get to be a bit much at times if you have no way of taking it all in without expelling the negative chi safely - saying that it's better to listen and help than listen and ignore.
In all honesty I don't have time for lots of people so I'm never constantly in contact with hundreds of friends throughout the week. I won't print a list of souls that have my attention at a moment’s notice, but I will say they number in the few, several of them have no idea they're in the VIP section in my mind’s eye.

As mentioned I listen and do my best not to say the things that will sound good but opt for the things that don't sound particularly uplifting. If it's one thing I've learnt is that, when someone opens up to you, choose not to tell lies but give them the truth and if they ask for your opinion and it stings then don't hold back. Be tactful in your delivery without losing the emphasis in the words.
It's been about three times, possibly four this week that I've had someone confide in me and each time I've given the pro and cons and even simply said "I really can't advise on the subject, it's up to you." And often it is up to the individual where they can't for whatever reason handle the situation without a gentle nudge.
I love to help, it's a good feeling. Yeah, I take on a bit much and get worn down mentally, but knowing that the resulting factor is another person walked away feeling that little bit perkier, makes my day.

Tennis, just tennis ...

People seem to get on better with me when I'm being totally honest. I do this in a jovial way that comes across a bit easier, but in reality if I took away the smile on my face and the light inflections I add to my voice when I say certain things, I don't think I'd have many friends. But it's the fact that I avoid diluting my words that has my friends appreciating what I have to say.
Having a go-to-person that is reluctant to tell you what the 411 is like owning a really fast car with no engine.

I may bruise a few egos on the rocky road to the truth but on reflection I'm told time and time again the hard truth was what was needed especially when there are so many individuals out there ready to tell you exactly what you want to hear, usually because they have some ulterior motive for keeping you on side.

On an unrelated topic, a friend of mine who works out as much as I do (pre hernia) wanted a gym buddy. Gym buddies are hard to find and often, the buddy doesn't always want to work out as intense as you do. So, he finds one and she's cool, but as he found out recently; she isn't as copacetic as he first thought. I won't go into tons of detail because that's his business but his experience made me realise how evil and duplicitous women can be when they're ready. All the dude wanted to do was hit the gym and play racket sports. How hard is that to accept?

Oh well!

I''l end on a song tonight. As I was writing, this one popped into my head. Night folks ...

I should be depressed. Er, no thanks!

As there's always someone at my parents house (mum or dad) I had Ebay send my new Adidas Top Ten 2000s there. Dad called me up and let me know they'd come yesterday so I hit the road as soon as the school bell went and blazed a path to his front door.
On the way home I stopped off at Tescos (prolonging the excitement) got some food and hurried home. Once there on opening the door I had a pile of letters. The one from work was the first one I opened. It wasn't good news and in a nutshell I'd been informed that I might be made redundant soon. I knew I should have some kind of sour reaction to that but all I could think was: "DUDE, TRY ON THE KICKS!" So, where I could have been depressed, I just lacked the time to dwell on that, after all, I have a plan B and plan B.2 so the news is just another catalyst for success.
I hardly conveyed how awesome the kicks feels on my feet. I got the correct size, a US 13 which equates to a UK 12.5. With my special sport insole inside it fits like a skin and feels like a warm ...
I'll be getting several more pairs soon; no doubt the pictures will be uploaded here and on Facebook for bragging rights.
On a more serious note I'm a so much happier than I was last week. The missus has played a massive part in that (see photo underneath for a visual explanation). I got severely fortunate meeting such a lovely lady. Definitely a KEEPER!

MWAH Xxx

Mash up!

WHOA! That's a first.
I was sooooo tired I fell asleep on the 108 heading to Stratford Station. It's a good thing I was doing the entire route otherwise I'd have been peeeeeeed off. The driver had to wake me up. I must not have heard her telling me to get off. The forced she used was sufficient for waking up an inebriated party goer on a Saturday night. In her defence I did have my hood over my head and my headphones blasting conscious hip hop into my brain.
Pretty sure I fell asleep during a Common tune.
I still haven't completed the journey and could really do with the little boys room and a treat after; for not missing the toilet bowl with my sprinkles.

UP!

When I can't sleep the only constructive things to do are to read, write, stretch or workout, meditating comes dead last, usually when I've done one or more of the others first.
Tonight I tried to sleep, well I thought about it at least, but I was working out before bed - don't worry I didn't use any weights or recruit the core muscles. I followed the exercises demonstrated by a consultant I met at Pro Feet in Fulham and strengthened my legs, thighs and gluts. I think the fact I did all that is what's caused this recent bout of insomnia. It's all good I guess, I was doing something relevant with my time at least.

I haven't talked about the hiccups I had last week because I'm scared they might come back They stopped on Thursday and aside from he occasional feeling like they're going to start again coupled with the feeling like I'm going to throw-up, I've been more-or-less fine otherwise. I'm looking forward to March for various reasons and I have several ideas that I need to jot down before I forget them completely.

I've already consulted my diary and offered my thoughts to its pages. I had a lot to say earlier regarding a number of things on my mind. There's a bundle of thoughts crashing into each other and sometimes it's hard to focus on anything going on outside my head.

I'm going to give sleep another shot. I don't feel as though I'll be very tired in the morning through lack of sleep. Right now I could probably punch through the moon I'm so wired.

Ballad of the Black Gold

Listening to a Talib Kweli track the other day and a line in the song struck a chord.

"Have you ever seen happy hungry people that ain't rational?"

The line made me stop and really think, not the usual erratic thought processes that I usual have, but focused thought. There's a growing trend of 'action before thought' and it causes so much unnecessary outcomes, yet as a species we're too caught up racing ahead crashing into each other.
None of us are perfect either. I'd like to believe that I'm in the picture I'm painting and no different from anyone that I'm referring to. Not even I can prove that I'm not prone to ignorant thoughts every now and then.

There isn't a massive market for the kind of hip hop Kweli puts out, or the lyrics Mos Def laces on tracks; only to be ignored because the majority would much rather aspire to wearing gold and platinum.

I don't hate the times we live in, but they could be a lot better.

Battle for Terra

This is a wicked animated movie that most people have no idea how good it is. Glad I took the time to give it a look.

What? I'm really sick!

So I was lying on a hospital bed all last night ... (Before you ask, its Stefan talking here and yeah, the hiccups, the not so serious issue, has become a problem.)
Double hernias hate hiccups, I know this because every time my muscles spasm both hernias tell me to "FUCK OFF".
The hiccups started on Friday and haven't stopped since. I'd been wanting to hurl for several hours but couldn't.
So the story goes ...
I rang NHS Direct under strict orders from the missus, she knows me, I would have rode out the storm and gone to work the next day mash up.
I'm struggling to talk because the hiccups are making me short of breath so the nurse at the NHS sends an ambulance sharpish. Still on the phone the paramedics buzz my door and not long after we're heading to A&E.
My entire core is pulsating, my throat is closing up and all they do at the hospital is hook me up to the monitor and using intricate body language that usually goes over most peoples heads, tell me to lay there and hope for the best.
Several - no, fuck several - 2 hours 33 minutes later I rip the alarm and send everyone dashing into my cubicle (DO SOME PUSSYCLART WORK). The nurses that tear the curtain back are privy to me doubled over clutching my stomach and groin.

"Would you like some painkillers?"

OH, I HAVE TO ASK FOR THEM DO I? All the moaning and shortness of breath wasn't an indication.
If I could pull a trigger I would.
Minutes later I'm handed some placebos and a cup of water. My friend turns up and we get talking which helps the pain. As soon as he leaves I'm left to muddle through poor attempts at breathing and finding various comfortable positions as the cannula in my arm keeps shifting with each minute movement.
4 hours go by before I'm seen by a doctor which is actually the expected waiting time. I swear the doctors mark the time each patient comes in and piss-arse around playing ping-pong and watching re-runs of Godzilla until the 4 hours are up.
I'm prodded and poked like at my surgical consult before Christmas and told since the hernias haven't ruptured I'll be prescribed pain meds and sent home. The doc also gave me the choice of taking a drug for the hiccups, so me being me, I asked about the side effects. The drug he was offering would stop the hiccups but also make me feel dizzy, nauseous, and a little confused. It's a drug they give to people with depression only in a smaller dose. I politely told him to stick his own finger in his arse, collected my things and left the hospital but not before a nurse with attitude ripped out my cannula. I do not exaggerate the 'ripped' part either.
Too vex to talk I walk home, which was a painful choice but I would have punched the back of the cab man’s head if I chose that option. Yeah he has nothing to do with the night I've had but someone needed to feel me.

It's nearly 6am and I'm given enough time between the hospital and home to dream up some violent retribution.
I email work regarding my impending absence and as I press send the hiccups that stopped at 4am start up again.

I think I fell asleep at 7am but I can't be sure.

Variation

Sheena had long ago gotten tired of doing the same thing year on year, having the same conversations, talking the same nonsense talk to the same people who were content on letting the nonsense continue.
How was it that her friends allowed themselves to run the exact same scenarios, gaining the exact same results? It was madness, surely they could see that. The main culprit was Susan. She promised herself several years running to eat properly, stop smoking, use her gym membership for more than a sauna and quit chasing the same guy who was now married and expecting his first child. Susan was the worst kind of friend to have, a friend that didn't listen to sense or apply the common kind every now and then.
The office was buzzing. No diet coke breaks in the foreseeable. Work piled onto Sheena's desk in a way that made her want to swan dive out the window.

Can't sleep, so I write

You learn a lot when you do nothing sometimes.
Observation is a powerful tool. Used well it'll give you insight into anything. An old university lecturer once told me; "... you have the ability to make sense of everything because there is nothing you do not know ...", or something like that. I thought I knew what he meant until I really set myself aside and applied the theory.
I've decided to become a mirror. The only way to do that is to be still and do nothing without allowing anyone to realise I'm doing it.

This isn't tired talk, this is wide awake talk.

They won't stop!

I've had the hiccups now for around 48hrs. Sleep is my only escape from them and I can't sleep all day though the thought has crossed my mind a billion times.
Muscles in your stomach continuously contracting would be a fitness fanatics wet dream. The shit (hiccups) hurts after a good 24hrs, so any gym-freaks reading this stop smiling mischievously.
In addition to the hiccups I've had several weird dreams. The most bizarre was the one I had last night. Apparently I was seduced by demons and after a while entered an 'out-of-body' state where I got the opportunity to watch myself engulf waist deep in demon booty!
I need to phone a friend!
I might make the next blogpost have a loose valentines theme, I haven't decided yet so we'll see.
HAPPY SUNDAY FOLKS. ;-)

Not again!

In 2007, I believe it was 2007 and not 2008, could have been 2009 but I doubt it. Maybe it was 2009, sure feels like it could have been 2009, possibly even 2008, feels right ... Bottom line, it was a while ago.
Lasted two whole flippin' weeks. TWO WEEKS! Ever had something annoying not to mention embarrassing at times, happen to you non-stop for two weeks. WELCOME TO MY LIFE.

I had the hiccups all day today. It's 11.55pm and they've stopped, hopefully indefinitely. I had them for a fortnight a few years back. An interestingly bizarre period that saw me unable to have serious conversations and don't ask how I wrote, typed, wiped my nose - with difficultly, if you're angling for an answer.
After two weeks of it the pain was something new in the worst sense of 'new'. My chest and stomach ached. The only upside was the constant tightening of my abs replaced the need for sit-ups, I WAS RIPPED! You know those electronic abs systems that pulsate and make the muscles work; well it was like I'd been wearing one of those since the first run of 'Knight Rider'. Not that I'm braggin' though but lifting up the shirt is emotional.

With any luck it'll end soon! I hope.

The art of getting what you want

Have you ever wondered how to get the best results out of people? Of course, books have been written on the subject, seminars, lectures etc ... When was the last time you gave it a go?

It dawned on me recently that I was doing this very thing without any prior prompting or training. Maybe it's because I'm manipulative and devious at heart. My desires don't always come from a good place but getting what I want has never been an issue.

Doesn't all of that speak to a necessary change. I should be using my mutant powers for good not evil, shouldn't I?
Fact remains that a little encouragement and the right kind of approach usually gets individuals to spin off in directions to your liking, so is it a bad thing what I'm able to do?

The trick is to know the people you're dealing with. Their likes, dislikes. What they value. All these aspects taken into account and used when needed can mould outcomes. It's tricky when confronted with someone as slippery as yourself but that's a recipe for fun.

I can't say I'm completely aware of where all of that came from. I go to places in my head and can't be held responsible for what I bring back.

Denny's Diary

June 13th 2011

... So I've decided to actually do something more than just sit here and ogle quietly to myself from afar.

June 14th 2011

Taking sneaky pictures with my awesome camera phone was the best thought I've had in a long time. Why hadn't I thought of this sooner. I don't have to come here to get my kicks, I can take my kicks home too!

It's even hotter than yesterday and beads of sweat running down spinal cords is making tops stick to skin. The tall one with the sexy calves and full lips has on a shirt but I know now that she likes cream coloured bras and has a tattoo of a Humming Bird on her back. Thank you Sony for optical zoom.

I watch as her lips close around a bagel she just bought. The muscles in her neck leading to her clavicle look taught and I wonder how she'd look taking me down.
I focus my full attention on her unable to cast the occasional glance at my other bevy of beauties nearby.
Increasingly the gaps in my trousers disappear and I'm left with a firm, full lunch box.

I can think of a number of ways this day could improve.

BATTLE: LOS ANGELES

Can't wait to see this. Trailer is finally here and I might have wet my pants in anticipation!

Oi! Don't make me get old skool!

I should let things go. I shouldn't let certain things bother me or cause me to act unprofessional when I'm at work, but today this woman took the absolute liberty.

I'm currently engaged in work with the Job Centre within the area I cover to get any dads they have coming in; to book onto to my new careers workshop. I wrote this fantastic proposal that got circulated in the borough and it's been funded, given a location and a healthy time slot, all based on my planning (yep, patting myself on the shoulder and feeding myself candy bars right now).
Anyhoo ... I'm at the Job Centre today meeting with my contact so I ask for her at the front desk. I'm polite as warm apple pie with ice cream, and a really sombre, possibly jaded, worker takes my verbal request and acts as though I was rude. Her colleague has nothing but smiles for me, reciprocating my attitude, but this other woman is the picture of grumpiness personified. She woman walks away barely looking at me. I'm not sure whether to follow, and both myself and her colleague exchange a confused look. It's at that point that, without turning around she commands I follow and puts a hand up giving me a supercilious gesture to come along. I SWEAR AS GOD IS MY WITNESS I nearly took two hard strides and fly kicked this fucking woman in the base of her back. I would have smiled if I heard a snap.
Her colleague and I at this point share a very different look, and seeing that I was about to go old skool, she smiled apologetically, I grappled with the mountain ape begging to beat the shit out of this obviously crazy person walking away and placed the beast reluctantly back in its cage. I had important work to do, bigger than a disagreement with a repugnant individual so I held it down.
I wasn't in her presence for very long but I wished I could have let her know in some small way that she was playing with her life ... literally.

Once I met with the floor manager and was introduced to all the staff as well as the outreach team, I approached all of the men waiting to be seen by careers advisors. Luckily for me most of them were fathers and I got to promote my project to a wide spectrum of dads.

I think it was the second time today I had to play dumb, act like I was oblivious to bullshit. Sometimes in order to get my foot in the door I have to let certain people think their holding the keys to the gates.

If I had a different upbringing though, it would have been open season on a couple of people today!

T3: Dark of the Moon

Needs to be better than part 2 - OR ELSE!

The First Avenger!

Inspired by another blogger!

I'm super excited!

Addicts

The SAA meeting wasn't what I expected at all. It was worse.

In your head you dream up how things will pan out, the situations you walk into and how they eventually run their course according to your expectations. Nothing prepared me for this.

I've been a sex addict ever since I got my first taste, and my first taste wasn't sex at all. I was on holiday with my parents; the caravan site we stayed in was handled by a team of cleaners. One of the cleaners was a middle aged woman, still good looking, but her uniform didn't fit too well. I was treated to a little extra cleavage and a fair amount of arse whenever she bent over. They always came when the site was clear and families had gone off on guided tours in the nearby village. I pretended to be a sick a few times so I'd get left behind.
I never spoke to her but, now I'm a little older, I do believe she knew I had a crush. The uniform was never replaced with one that fit, at least not whilst I was around. The first time I masturbated wasn't until we stopped going to the caravan park. I think the lack of a stable sex object forced my hands into my pants at the tender age of 11.

So, years later here I am at my first Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting and I can't help thinking the woman leading the meeting looks a lot like that cleaner.
Thoughts I don't need to be having are running through my head and I'm sitting picturing this woman naked, or at least with less clothes on. I try not to make eye contact and look at the floor, the walls, anywhere else but directly at her. It's then that I notice some of the other members. They don't look as nervous as I do. I focus on them instead, but that's a mistake too. A girl, probably in her mid twenties with long red curly hair and full lips is staring at me, I know this because we're sitting at opposite sides of the circle and she's smiling at me. I interpret the smile as a friendly gesture, but I'm wrong, very wrong.

In my effort to control my thoughts I miss most of the introductory section of the meeting and we're all asked to have a quick break, mingle and get to know each other, then come back and properly introduce ourselves. A kind of, ice breaker before the ice breaker.
She homes in before I can get to the tea trolley, her red hair bouncing as she stops just inside my personal space and offers her hand for me to shake. At that moment I realise I was better off going on the guided tours in the village.

Whatever

I'm in one of those moods tonight. With any luck I'll wake up feeling different or possibly the same, who knows.
Maybe my dreams will brighten me up.
Ahh, fuck-it. Night night.

Denny's Diary

June 13th 2011

I swear there aren't enough hours in the day to get anything useful done. Spending a large portion of my time at the food court doesn't help much either but it's my only way to curb my cravings. The vendor nearby sells everything from burgers to ready salted crisps, but I don't come here for the snacks and my cravings have nothing to do with food.
Like clockwork, each Tuesday, a string of women buy their lunch here. They're all different shapes and sizes and watching makes my day, it's literally the highlight.
I don't have any favourites and clearly I'm a scumbag for fantasising over each one. I can't stop myself. It would be easier to go over one day and strike up a conversation. The only problem would be in deciding who with. My loins want to sample not one but all, so I'm screwed, or not, depending on how you look at it.

To add to my torment, it's essentially summer, the skies are clear and everyone's wearing less clothes. My special ladies, all nine of them are meagrely dressed if short skirts, leggings and low cut tops are anything to go by.
Watching from my less obvious perch I can see it all.

WHOOP WHOOP ...

... dats da sound of tha POLICE!

KRS-ONE couldn't have said it any better. I might go home and play the track just to cement the realisation in my mind that I've seen a lot of FUZZ between Camberwell and Hither Green today.

Why so much police presence?

Some of it was to assist the ticket inspectors, a portion was for an accident (probably a serious one) for the three ambulances that attended and the emissions checks were happening behind the Lewisham Shopping Centre.
There was more, racing here and there but anytime I looked up I saw nothing but black and blue.

A few years ago I might have been interested (nosey). I may have joined in with the meaningless conversations people nearby were having about the volume of police and whether it was necessary.
Nowadays I'm thankful that there are men and women out there willing to put themselves in harms way to make sure things run smoothly.
Put aside my bad experiences with them, the things I've seen individuals do and the views of certain officers, they're there to help and they are by far; more dangerous when they travel in twos or threes TRUST ME.

Is it a job I could do? HELL NO! I wasn't bullied in school so I don't have a point to prove (I kid, I joke - on Fridays).

I say BIG up to them though, they do deserve props now and then.

Being 'that guy'

In no way am I giving myself brownie points or reach round to pat myself on the back but I've come to realise that I am 'that guy'.
You know, the guy who has all the good advice for bad problems, thinks rationally when everyone else is running for the fire exit. The guy who can keep a secret and never forgets a birthday.
While I'm busy being 'that guy' I rarely have a break. Don't get me wrong; making other people happy is off the chain, the lack of annual leave from being 'that guy' is eroding my resolve slightly.
A lot, and I mean A LOT is going on right now professionally and personally, mostly good some; not so good. This is the first time I've wanted a sabbatical from myself. How crazy is that? I should be careful what I wish for. Not being me could be a lot worse than being me.
No apologies will be given for the several paragraphs of self indulgence, after all, I'm entitled to some, I am - 'that guy'.

23:36

Kyle figured it was possible. He was sure the plan would work if executed precisely. All the necessary pieces were in place and committing the blueprints to memory would save valuable time.
He could have punched a hole through the wall, force his way in and pull the safe out of the building, but tonight, it was all about stealth.
Using his centre of gravity he made himself light on his feet and ran at the wall stepping on the smooth surface quietly, then pushed off almost without a sound. Sailing high into the air he reached up and felt the edge of the roof at his fingertips. In a show of sheer strength he catapulted himself onto the rooftop using only the ends of his fingers.
On landing the only noise made was the fluttering of his clothes mingling with the wind.
Now the difficult part begins ...

Mystical biscuits

It's Tuesday afternoon so that means I'm at work sneaking in a blogpost between writing case studies – shh, don’t let my manager know.

Why am I hear risking … well, I’m not really risking much actually. Now I think about it I’m writing this in a Word document so it looks like work. No need to fret then!

I’m here because a couple of biscuits got me a bit hot and bothered. I know, BISCUITS! The frustration of 'free will' is a killer.

The problem is, I made a kick-ass cup of tea and the only way to compliment tea is with a good biscuit or four (they call me ‘Sweet-tooth Jones’ in SE6). At the office we’re well stocked and have a wide range of options that’ll leave crumbs in our laps.

I take the magical cookie case, not a box, a case – out of the cupboard and place it on the table with two hands; it’s a very delicate and sacred ritual we undergo at teatime. Note I am yet to mention that we wear robes like monks in a monastery when we make tea.  

I digress. 

I open the case and a brilliant flash of wind accompanied by a startling golden glow hits me square in the face. The mixture of various biscuit recipes fills the room and several hands stop punching at their keyboards immediately. Three other workers run to the cloakroom for their robes as I rub my eyes and try to look past the spots and shadows in my vision. 

There, underneath a mountain of goodness are the Digestives and Custard Creams. The decision is a tough one and legend has it that a guru once spent seven and a half years gazing into this very case meditating on which biscuit to have with his cuppa. Legend also states that when he finally made his choice the tea he’d made was still piping hot and none of the biscuits had past their sell-by-dates.

My conundrum may appear trivial to some but as we all stand in our garments huddled around the sacred case I notice someone has bought Maryland Chocolate Chip Cookies.

DAMN IT!