Erm, excuse me? ... no, please ... I do mind

Greetings Inkers! This week I challenged Marian and she totally flipped the script on me and wrote a killer poem! 'Goodbye to all that'

I was challenged by Rachel but ... I'm putting the prompt at the end of the post this time. 

Writing a 'top' anything takes a lot more thought if you have to write a short list.
This hasn't been compiled in order of importance or what I feel the most uncomfortable about ...

 

1: Having to lie to people to make them feel better ...

Why should I feel the need to tell someone who obviously isn't doing something right, or is wearing something they like, and I happen not to; that it's okay? Surely making people feel better shouldn't entail having to lie to them. How crazy does that sound when you really think about it? I MUST LIE TO YOU TO MAKE YOU HAPPY. What does that really mean? Does it mean the truth might damage you emotionally and it's necessary to give you regular doses of fiction in order to keep you sane?
I guess that says a lot about the state of mind of certain people. You totally had the audience eating out of your hands ... really!

 

2: Standing first in line at the bus stop ...

I'm about 6'2" tall and can reach the top shelf if you ask nicely provided you want something and you're not just asking to get a peek at my butt (just ask, it's much easier). Standing at the bus stop is something I don't like doing, partly because riding the bus is like playing Russian Roulette, you might get a bus that smells really bad and the windows can't open.
Standing first in line means all the children and old people push and shove to get 'their' seat on the bus before they lose it. What amazes me is when an empty bus pulls up and people still fight to get on.
I'm tall so I'm usually prodded in my lower back or top of my butt (no it doesn't feel sexy). I can't wait till I get a car again!

3: Letting my son go more than 100 metres anywhere on his own ...

 
This doesn't need much explanation. He's my son! He's my only son!

 

4: Not realising that women are flirting until late into a conversation ...

If we're talking about a topic/subject of interest I often get caught up in the debate/discussion side and don't always see anything else that’s going on.
Having been with my girlfriend for over a year and feeling really comfortable around her I tend to flirt famously with her and my 'flirt radar' only works when she's around. When it's happening outside our little bubble I miss all the signals because I'm tuned into hers. I suppose in some ways that’s a good thing.

 

5: Near death experiences ...

So far I've had two major instances. I'm sure I've blogged about both and it's awesome that I'm still here able to reflect on it all.
The uncomfortable part of this is the feeling that I had no control of what was going on. Having my heart stop for several minutes means that, the very muscle keeping me alive gave out at one stage. So in essence, there's a gap in my cosmic EKG diagram. Wherever I was at that point (not in my life) would be interesting to find out someday.  

Rachel challenged me with: The top 5 scenarios that make you uncomfortable and why? I tried to think of a disctintive top 5 but it was the top 5 I could come up with on a Thursday evening after a hard days work and 3/4 days of rioting less than 10 minutes from my where I live. It warms my heart to see that these crimimals are being named/shamed and convicted!

I haven't been this angry erm, ever!

The back of the flyer being used to promote this event.

I'm relatively happy at the moment, I've racked my brain for a reason why this might not be the case but I came up with nothing so the smile on my face is staying. I’m feeling all
mushy gushy right now.
Why do good things come to an end? I got dangerously pissed off two nights ago between the times of 9pm and 12am. It started with a phone call ...

A good friend of mine along with several other ambitious 'club promoters' decided to have an event to launch their company. Granted that two of the guys knew my brother when he was alive, proposed that it be a charity event donating a portion of the money for research into the illness that took my brother.

Ok, if you can; rewind all of what I just said, because, this is actually how it all started:

A flyer was posted via Facebook and I was tagged to it. With no idea that it was a 'night in memory of Uchenna Jeffrey ...’ (my brother) Yes it actually says that on the back of the flyer. The front of the flyer is all I could see on FB. It wasn't until two weeks later I got a hard copy and realised this was in memory of ... Wow! I had no idea (if you didn't notice, the flyer is the picture above this post). My first thought was, why wasn't I consulted? After the initial shock and seeing familiar names on the promotions list I thought hey, that's nice of 'em. First chance I got I would promote this event further, so I did.

The phone call in question was to tell me I shouldn't have done that! Ok confusedandnotimpressed.com - the way I saw it, this was a party (which was my brothers last wish) for Uchenna and to help a good cause? Yeah - so what's the problem?
It seems the other guys who I don't know wanted to promote the night themselves so it's marketed under their company name not via my profile.

Moment of silence please to appreciate what I just wrote ... yes read the last sentence above, again.

By now I'm a little ticked off. I'm looking at this from the perspective that it doesn't matter who broadcasts the message so long as it's out there.
My friend comes over and explains in more detail than he did over the phone and let slip that even though it's a charity event it's not a memorial type 'do' for Uchenna and more of a rave.

HUH?! That's exactly what the dude wanted!
At this stage I'm seething. I can see everyone's point-of-view but don't use my brother’s name and memory to kick off your brand if you had no intention of honouring the memory in the first place.
I can't speak for the guys I know in this equation, but for the guys I don't know, WTF?!

After cancelling the invite I created for this event I spent the rest of the night trying to come to terms with the fact that I didn't feel comfortable attending a night in memory of my brother. How nuts is that?

I'm confident I'm the only member of my family that has any knowledge of the foolishness that's happening right now.

I’ve had a bit of time (48hrs) to think all of this over and every fibre in me is saying stay the fuck away!

I can’t go can I? (Totally rhetorical question) If I’m there I’ll be expected to say a few words on the mic and the only words I can conjure right now are:

“This night is in memory of Uchenna Jeffrey, but in reality it isn’t. The people behind-the-scenes didn’t even consult with our family as to whether they could use his name and promptly put it on a flyer that was distributed across London without our knowledge. If you know me you know I’m a completely rational kinda person but it feels supremely irrational and uncomfortable being here, and the only reason why I am here is to tell you that this entire night has been put together under what appears to be a pretence.

“To this day I haven’t sat down with the promoters. No apology was given, and none of the flyers have been amended to at least convey the folly made here.

“That said, you all look wonderful, I hope you all have an amazing night and treat this event however you see fit. I’ll be applying as much distance from it as possible as soon as I put down this microphone – thank you.”

Our Beach

I want to start with a disclaimer for anyone not in the Indie and on Facebook or elsewhere that reads my work. If you see critiquing comments at the end of this post it's because I asked fellow Inkers to do so, so resist rallying in my defence on the phone or on my wall on FB.

Greetings Inkers - This week I was challenged by Lazidaisical and chose to write a poem. It's the second one I've ever written because poetry isn't my thing and not writing fiction like I usually do felt wrong, but it's all about self-exploration in the II. You can find the prompt that made this happen at the end of the piece.
I challenged Amanda and you can see her response at: Last Mom on Earth.

Image by: sarafordphotography.com

Here, where the waters meet the land we walk the shore

His scrawny frame running along the beach ahead of us

My hand in his father’s, we watch, ignoring what needs to be done

Blue skies, blue waters; now a grey painting above, black sludge below

Our world; broken yet through the boys eyes, beautiful.

Gaunt our bodies have become, no food for weeks,

What we have the boy eats

Our time should have come and gone, determination drives us

What we must do is necessary

I look into his father’s eyes and he looks at the boy

Unable to look at me

I’m drawn to the cannon in his outstretched hand, and we stop

Unaware, the boy doesn’t feel the sting as he drops

In a moment my existence splits in half

I close my eyes; he makes sure it’s painless

I wait and watch, the cannon, the sting, it stings him too

We see the boy running trackless along the beach

Once more the sky is blue, the water; clean

As if they were always there, others stroll, laughing, smiling

The boy makes a friend, and another, they all run together

We walk

That day, our day, never ends, lost in forever.

This week's prompt was: 'I went ahead and did it anyway' ...

Bus thoughts

As infrequent as my need to drink alcohol, so are the times when I blog from my phone. Can I remember the last time I blogged this way? No, yet I'm punching in my thoughts on the Qwerty keyboard of my SnackBerry as quickly as I can before they the thoughts escape me.

Last night I tried to record a blog on my dictaphone to type up later today. That went horrible wrong and I stuttered my way through about a paragraph before realising my vocabulary exists in the link between my brain and my fingers predominantly. At the risk of making myself appear like a bumbling illiterate face-to-face; that's how I felt last night. If I could play that Joe ft Mystikal tune right now I would.

I'm going to touch on a few unrelated topics today if that's ok?

In first place - I love the work I do. This is a totally different statement from "I love my job." The job entails selling myself as a development worker, ensuring I build links with other professionals in my field and making my company look good. Granted I can do all these things I don't have to cry tears of joy whilst doing them.
On the other hand the work is AWESOME, I get to create, build and support services for people and communities and it doesn't get much better than that. In between commuting from place to place I can write for the odd five or ten minutes too. BEAUTIFUL.

In second place - the weather ... Why is it that people find the time to complain about this topic. There's no such thing as bad weather, just poorly chosen clothing. Either it's too hot, too cold, too humid, too dry, too damp, yada yada yada ...
It's like the weather woke up one day and thought 'let me annoy everyone for several hours.'
Erm, no - I don't think so.

Yesterday whilst talking to a client we got into this deep philosophical borderline spiritual yet totally nostalgic conversation and he asked me the question: 'What is the enemy of contentment?'
The answer was only one word but it requires an example to really send it home. If anyone happens on this blog and wants to know the answer I'll write a separate blog with 'answer' and 'example' because I love you all and want to grow with you.

... and in third place - it's my girlfriends birthday tomorrow - "... why wasn't this in 'first place' Stef?" I hear you say, well ... my blog, so I get to save the best till last.
I've taken the day off to rustle up some goodies whilst she spends the day with her twin sister. Don't ask, it's a very simple and totally understandable story why we're not meeting up.
What she can expect when we finally get it right is a meal, prezzies, an extension on her 'girlfriend contract' and a very intimate full bodied massage. Yes I'll be using my entire body.
I have more surprises but it'll take more than a day to garnish her with it all and some of it she won't even realise as being a gift (the little things).

... Lastly - the bus I was on got diverted and I end up in front of a hot air balloon ... random!
Get me an ice cold banana lolly.

More mood music ...

I'm feeling very musical tonight and thought I'd share some of the songs on my mind prior to going to bed tonight - enjoy:

... then:

... and:

... after that came:

... eventually: 

... without warning:

... not surprisingly:

... still love it:

... James:

... not forgetting:

... and it's finally that time ...