Before I get to the point I have to explain how this train of thought began.
Today I took part in some offsite staff training near Holborn Station. The room was filled with a range of professionals, some self-employed others were creative types, and some worked for local authorities. It was generally a beautiful mix of skills and experience. Several of us had forgotten it was Valentine’s Day; we were reminded due to one of the facilitators making a jovial comment about making us think about relationships and the negative aspects of breaking up with a significant other.
Well ... it got me thinking and in the process of doing so I ended up observing everyone in the room as they offered points to the conversation. Now, disregarding what was being said, I chose to observe body language, posture, physical and verbal inflections even subtle habits that I could see forming after nearly an hour of being in the same room as these people. What I also began to see was a group of strangers slowly relaxing in each other’s company and I only got the sense that one or two of the 18 of us were still relatively guarded.
It made me think about how relationships are formed. Often, if you’re already friends with someone you’re attracted to you know their nuances, the things about them that you’re comfortable with and often uncomfortable with. It made me think about women I’d been attracted to and why. It also allowed me to consider why another guy would be attracted to a woman that wouldn’t normally settle on my radar.
Falling for someone for some people is about visually how beautiful they appear, you know, the surface stuff prior to an actual conversation. For others, it’s about a lot more. There’s a plethora of things at work from, the way a person pronounces a word (you may think this to be cute); the absentminded way they play with their hair whilst listening to someone talk, or the attention to detail they give to writing useful notes in their diary. It might be that the person talking to you maintained eye contact and actually listened to what you had to say – showing interest by asking additional questions based on your chosen hobbies, admitting to sharing common likes and dislikes. To be fair, there’s no generic formula as to how people come together, you can compare us to particles in the air bouncing off each other occasionally fusing where possible.
Currently, I don’t miss ‘love’, for me it’s taken a break, I know it’ll be back and I’m going to treat it like a child I sent off to college/university. It’s possible that the version of it that I had wasn’t mature enough, worldly enough, so I have to replant it and help it mature. My dad whom I hold in high regard refers to emotions and feelings sometimes as though you can touch or see them, so ... real love is like snowballs rolling down a mountain and the sides of the mountain represent several lifetimes. Our snowball begins very small and collects momentum and size as it moves, but the point here is that, it grows and that takes time.
The song that follows makes a whole lot of sense:
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