Proud to be a little bit reluctant

It's been a hot minute since a non-fiction blogpost has graced Kreative Anythingz (I'm well aware that I just referred to my site as an entity). My diary has become home to my thoughts/feelings, rantings and stuff that makes my world go round, and blogging about it as well; felt a tad repetitive. [Disclaimer]

Every so often the thoughts feelings, rantings spill out and end up here. What's eating Gilbert Grape today eh?
"The importance people put on things that hold little or no value in the grander scheme of things." That's what!

Let me begin: A lot has happened over the last two months, so much randomness that some people would have booked a one way to ticket to, Nowhere, just to get a little perspective - I'm yet to receive my boarding pass. I am usually quite frequent with social networking, status updates etc ... but recently I just haven't felt like saying what's on my mind - it's on my mind, so maybe it should stay there sometimes - you know? Shake things up a little, hey?!

My lack of exposure has been noted and several people have contacted me asking if I'm okay, I haven't been on FB, BBM, Twitter, yada yada. My answer is, “... yes I’m cool,” but what I really want to say is: "My existence isn't determined by the amount of keystrokes I make within the world-wide-web." Most of these people have my number but the ability to pick up the phone has become increasingly difficult over the last seven years, apparently. I'm pretty sure I have no idea what certain friends sound like anymore and the blame isn't one sided either, I'm at fault to, but for different reasons - I just don't want to call/text period. Colour me unsociable but I find short breaks from social media (which I'll refer to as 'SM' from now on) and people in general, therapeutic and thus helps me to focus on important things, or completing tasks without my phone beeping/vibrating 24/7.

A friend said to me several months ago: "Wow, you really use all the functions on your BlackBerry." She said this because I utilise the calendar, notepad, task manager; I have several emails split evenly between 'work' and 'personal', I know all the useful shortcuts and write most of my fiction on the move if I have time during the day. The settings I use are basic factory stuff plus a minor display tweak which still looks like the old factory setting but I can tell the difference (this is a pimp-your-phone-free-zone and I love it).

I probably sound really boring but that's me. I'm the guy that buys a pair of shoes, likes them, and buys the exact same pair a few weeks later. What's the point in getting something different when what you already have is really comfortable as well as functional? I may lose brownie points for saying that but who cares? I don't.

I think the only pang of guilt I’m experiencing right now is that I use Facebook to know when certain birthdays are and since I haven’t logged in for several days I’m pretty sure I’ve missed a few. Failing that, I’m absolutely certain everyone is saying the same things they were saying the last time I was on it. I really should log in and catch up with ... nah – scratch that, maybe another day.

I hopeful that people will read this and think I'm talking/referring in some way to them. My only piece of advice is: Not everything is about you.

Hot water ...

... I have none.
I haven't had a working boiler and hot water for over a week now, maybe two. My stint in hospital coupled with everything else meant I haven't really been home to deal with it all, but now I am and the trouble it's taking to get someone out here to deal with the issue is epic.
I spent all of yesterday waiting, made three calls and was promised help by early evening. I wake up today and chose not to rant or vent, instead I calmly painted a picture for the person on the other end of the phone. It was a beautiful canvas of frustration and disappointment, brushed delicately so as not to deter from the need to rectify my current predicament. I've been on the phone twice today and it's only 10.40am.
In the end it was a guy called David who sorted me out an appointment for next Monday morning. Still highly unacceptable but at this point getting upset about something like that would be a chore.

On the plus side I might be recouping some money, enough to smile at, I'll put it straight on the bills and rent so I can exhale.

As I posted this and backed off from the laptop I realised this song kinda sums up how I feel right now. Enjoy:

Oi! Don't make me get old skool!

I should let things go. I shouldn't let certain things bother me or cause me to act unprofessional when I'm at work, but today this woman took the absolute liberty.

I'm currently engaged in work with the Job Centre within the area I cover to get any dads they have coming in; to book onto to my new careers workshop. I wrote this fantastic proposal that got circulated in the borough and it's been funded, given a location and a healthy time slot, all based on my planning (yep, patting myself on the shoulder and feeding myself candy bars right now).
Anyhoo ... I'm at the Job Centre today meeting with my contact so I ask for her at the front desk. I'm polite as warm apple pie with ice cream, and a really sombre, possibly jaded, worker takes my verbal request and acts as though I was rude. Her colleague has nothing but smiles for me, reciprocating my attitude, but this other woman is the picture of grumpiness personified. She woman walks away barely looking at me. I'm not sure whether to follow, and both myself and her colleague exchange a confused look. It's at that point that, without turning around she commands I follow and puts a hand up giving me a supercilious gesture to come along. I SWEAR AS GOD IS MY WITNESS I nearly took two hard strides and fly kicked this fucking woman in the base of her back. I would have smiled if I heard a snap.
Her colleague and I at this point share a very different look, and seeing that I was about to go old skool, she smiled apologetically, I grappled with the mountain ape begging to beat the shit out of this obviously crazy person walking away and placed the beast reluctantly back in its cage. I had important work to do, bigger than a disagreement with a repugnant individual so I held it down.
I wasn't in her presence for very long but I wished I could have let her know in some small way that she was playing with her life ... literally.

Once I met with the floor manager and was introduced to all the staff as well as the outreach team, I approached all of the men waiting to be seen by careers advisors. Luckily for me most of them were fathers and I got to promote my project to a wide spectrum of dads.

I think it was the second time today I had to play dumb, act like I was oblivious to bullshit. Sometimes in order to get my foot in the door I have to let certain people think their holding the keys to the gates.

If I had a different upbringing though, it would have been open season on a couple of people today!

What I couldn't say on Facebook!

Some days, like today, my work gets murky. I can't really go into detail due to being bound by confidentiality, red tape and the general desire to stay employed, though I will say - as an echo of my recent Facebook status - there are times when certain cases make me want to scream and cut off my air supply simultaneously.
I managed to get over it quite quickly and strolled back into the office as though I hadn't had a four-second-nervous-breakdown and sat at my desk ignoring a stray thought telling me to look up the easiest way to nitrate toluene and mix it with sulphuric and nitric acid (for the geeks out there that love chemistry, YES I AM SERIOUS).
I was asked to divulge my status outburst and chose not to in keeping with data protection, confid-yada yada yada, I really wanted to let rip the story.

Running away from that subject - it was cold in the office, so cold I surrounded myself with heaters, kept my coats on (COATS ON) and wrote another beast of a case study before receiving another referral that I would inevitably deal with before going home.

When I did finally exit the premises I took the bus home in light of walking all the way to the Peckham office from my flat this morning. "Where's your flat Stef?" Far away innit, but the walk was crispy cold, I had my tunes playing through the headset to the BlackBerry and I didn't have to sit on a bus with sour looking people angry that they have to go into the place they spent however long hunting down, to impress at interview maybe fake a reference and suck up to someone who is half their age and reminds them of it constantly.

I digressed a bit ... HOME - glad to be heading in that direction finally (I'll never tell you the exact location), various reminders popping off on my calendar telling me to buy certain things before getting there.
The hallway was warm on stepping past the front door and I hadn't eaten all the cheese in the fridge so my buddies, Olives and Crackers got acquainted once again.

Even though I was off the clock I still got two calls on the 'work line' took them and followed up with several work-related emails to ensure tomorrow's events have a chance to run smoothly.

Bring me my goblet and grapes and let me retire to my throne!